I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
