1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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