the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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