God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
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