I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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