So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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