I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
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He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
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Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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