i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
