i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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