Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
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I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
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The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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