operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
