I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
