the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
