Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
