I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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