hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
