Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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