Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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