Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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