the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i dont even know how to be here
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm just crazy horny about you
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
