Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize