My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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