she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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