My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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