can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
