Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
