she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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