Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
