I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
