Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
