That's when you crack a 10am beer
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
