I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
