they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
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just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
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You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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