tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
