dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
