I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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