meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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