Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
