I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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