So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
