Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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