I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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