Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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