no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
