I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
