a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize