my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
