K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize