I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize