a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
