You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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