i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
