you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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