Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
