The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
