His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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