I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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