We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
