Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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