Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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