I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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