I love having hate sex.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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