we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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