The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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