How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
