Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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