my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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