The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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