Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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