So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
